Summer Takeover #2 - James
James
‘Ring ring’.
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‘Ring ring’
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.
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‘Ring ri-’
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“Ella Mason’s office this is Joyce Speaking”
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“Joyce daling this is Linda from Accounts payable at McGrath Fashion Industries how aaaaaare you sweetie?”
“Ella Mason’s office this is Joyce Speaking”
.
“Joyce daling this is Linda from Accounts payable at McGrath Fashion Industries how aaaaaare you sweetie?”
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“Hey Linda I’m actually glad you asked you see my dog just died an-”
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“Oh good I’m glad to hear you’re ok. Listen, I’ve got James McGrath, you know from the recent cover of vogue and winner of ‘Biggest boardroom bitch’ by work bitch magazine James McGrath on the other line with his edition of the email and he passed onto me to say sorry for forgetting about the deadline. You know it’s not easy being the leading fashion icon in the world changing lives everyday just by standing there on top of being Victoria Beckham’s best friend! Ahaha *fake laugh fake laugh*”
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“Oh no that’s fine honestly I-”
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“Linda don’t back down so easy that’s how a girls become whores”
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“I-”
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“Anyway must dash Jacob Anderson (google him he’s lush) is coming in 10 to take James out to lunch and propose to him. Isn’t he the lucky one eh! Ahahaha and remember if you want a man like that you have to remember to keep your legs closed before the third date. Alright Joyce take care bye bye now
-muffled noises of phone being put down
*omg Karen literally the longest phone call ever.
--
“Hey Linda I’m actually glad you asked you see my dog just died an-”
.
“Oh good I’m glad to hear you’re ok. Listen, I’ve got James McGrath, you know from the recent cover of vogue and winner of ‘Biggest boardroom bitch’ by work bitch magazine James McGrath on the other line with his edition of the email and he passed onto me to say sorry for forgetting about the deadline. You know it’s not easy being the leading fashion icon in the world changing lives everyday just by standing there on top of being Victoria Beckham’s best friend! Ahaha *fake laugh fake laugh*”
.
“Oh no that’s fine honestly I-”
.
“Linda don’t back down so easy that’s how a girls become whores”
.
“I-”
.
“Anyway must dash Jacob Anderson (google him he’s lush) is coming in 10 to take James out to lunch and propose to him. Isn’t he the lucky one eh! Ahahaha and remember if you want a man like that you have to remember to keep your legs closed before the third date. Alright Joyce take care bye bye now
-muffled noises of phone being put down
*omg Karen literally the longest phone call ever.
--
Strap in lads cus here we go
When I think of summer I think of stress free times, calming weather and getting black out drunk somewhere in a field. In all honesty I think of that blissful feeling you get of calm and contentedness when you ask yourself “shit is this what happiness feels like?”. To me that feeling is best expressed in the song Melancholy hill by Gorillaz. This simple (and I cannot stress this enough SIMPLE) song is done with such ease and elegance that you can’t help but feel like you’re floating on a raft somewhere basking in the sun. With an almost childlike wonder, you can almost forget about reality for a second and just imagine you’re 10 years old again, having a competition with your best friend about who can climb a tree the highest. However when it comes to reality - you’re still passed out face down somewhere in a field.
So instead I thought of when my good mate Ella Mason (The Ella Mason omg I can’t believe he knows her she's so famous) called me up one day and said, ``Hey I wanna go see Moana come with me”. I’m not a disney kinda guy, but that film was beautiful. It was clever, it was heartwarming and most importantly, it wasn’t frozen.
More than that I had a fun day with my friend, which lets be honest, is what summers about. I’ve even watched it on more than one occasion, and each time I do I remember when the film finished in the cinema, Ella decided she was going to take home a balloon a child had accidentally left behind. This would be cute if we didn’t all remember Moana came out in 2016, when Ella was 20. What am I saying I’m being judgmental; I was 21 and was the one who told Ella to take it.
Whilst most people assume summer to be a place of relaxing, laughing and trying to hide obvious sunburn from you mother who told you to put on factor 50, I once spent my summer writing my dissertation. I had to defer it because SOMEONE had a depressive episode in uni (Millennials eh?). So I spent 3 months sat at my mothers dining table desperately trying to write out whether or not I thought client specific skills or auditor independence were more important than the other when measuring audit quality. Now please don’t all stand up at once you’ll all get a chance to read it!
So my summer book is the famed “The audit society” by Michael Power, a book two years after finishing my degree, I still haven’t returned to the library. A grueling time, this is a reminder that even if the sun’s out, you still have to work. Whether it’s for your dissertation or whether its for your mental health, you can’t let yourselves lose control.
My final note is that I once quoted this book to a guy in bed because he tried to tell accountants don’t have a place in society. EDUCATE YOURSELF!
Now choosing a favourite video could be an excellent opportunity to plug that failed youtube vlog you did in year 8 when you thought a whole 9 views was gonna catapult you to internet fame. But why put you all through that painful experience when I can give you a nice nostalgic throwback instead.
One of the best bits about summer is when you suddenly remember how to socialise again. One second of sunlight and suddenly your phones going off with friends you thought all died on 1st November. Wack out the shorts, wack out the sunglasses, grab the lads and get to the club. Who doesn’t wanna dance like an inflatable tube man infront of 100 strangers you’ve never met, only to then drunkenly stumble to the smoking area with your mate to tell him how much you love him. And if you haven’t already guessed that was my long winded way in leading to this video of the crazy frog kid, who multiple people have said I dance like. Hey, I know a compliment when I see one
Here’s a tweet from my twitter of me living my best gay summer self
Summers a time to be stupid! It’s a time to have fun! It’s a time to be a straight up diva and recreate Beyonce’s Lemonade just because some guy you barely dated has a new gay friend. You know who I’m talking about cus they’re uuuuuunbreakable! She’s alive dammit! IT’S A MIRACLE! The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Why this show reminds me of summer I don’t know. Maybe it’s all the bright colours, maybe it’s the heartwarming jokes, maybe it’s just because everyone in this show is perfect and I love them. I personally think the shows quality dropped once they decided it was going to end it, but isn’t that what summer does? It ends and no ones happy, just like when Titus overreacted to that minor inconvenience. Probably.
I’ve been very lucky in my life to have traveled many places at such a young age. The standout for me was when I was 17 I traveled to japan for 3 weeks by myself. I say by myself, one of our old exchange students looked after and accommodated me the entire time, but doing anything by yourself when your 17 makes you feel like a KING!
I dined from the top notch 5 star seafood restaurants to just some knock off mcdonalds equivalent on the streets of tokyo. But the standout for me was everyone's old faithful: the spicy ramen. In this country ramen is what you eat when you can’t afford to pay your rent. But japan didn’t invent it for nothing! Just a big steaming bowl filled with noodles, chicken, bean sprouts, cabbage, string beans, ham and spices from god’s personal spice rack. One bowl of glorified super noodles has been so significant in my life that I’m writing a story about it 5 years later. And I don’t know about you, but isn’t one of the best bits about traveling to a different country trying out what different kinds of crisps they have? It’s practically the reason I book the flights.
---
Well despite finishing writing this 9 minutes before the deadline I did it. I spoke about summer and most importantly managed to speak about myself (who saw that coming). Summer is happy, fun, hard work, stupid, gay and sadly it always ends. But who cares about that when you have a bowl of ramen to comfort you through the winter.
Finally I’d like to give a huge shout out for Ella for not only passive aggressively messaging me to do this, but for being one of my current longest friends. She will forever be the person that climbed up the tree higher than me, and not one day in 13 years has she let me forget it. And if you are ever wondering how our long, deep, downright offensively stupid friendship began just ask Ella the meaning behind three simple words.
Alcoholic. Orange. Juice.
---
James is my OLDEST friend and I'm so glad that we're still thick as thieves. He's a funky young accountant with a wicked heart and a contagious laugh.
You can find more of James here!
Song Crush
When I think of summer I think of stress free times, calming weather and getting black out drunk somewhere in a field. In all honesty I think of that blissful feeling you get of calm and contentedness when you ask yourself “shit is this what happiness feels like?”. To me that feeling is best expressed in the song Melancholy hill by Gorillaz. This simple (and I cannot stress this enough SIMPLE) song is done with such ease and elegance that you can’t help but feel like you’re floating on a raft somewhere basking in the sun. With an almost childlike wonder, you can almost forget about reality for a second and just imagine you’re 10 years old again, having a competition with your best friend about who can climb a tree the highest. However when it comes to reality - you’re still passed out face down somewhere in a field.
Movie Mention
Moana
Out of all these options the film was the hardest one I could think of. A film is a winter thing. Rain pouring outside, curled up with a blanket on the sofa, pausing whatever pixar movie you have on to get soaked outside for that one last cigarette before bed, even though you promised yourself you’d quit for new year. Why be cooped up watching a film when you could be sat in a park with a bottle of bad rose getting your legs out for the boys.
So instead I thought of when my good mate Ella Mason (The Ella Mason omg I can’t believe he knows her she's so famous) called me up one day and said, ``Hey I wanna go see Moana come with me”. I’m not a disney kinda guy, but that film was beautiful. It was clever, it was heartwarming and most importantly, it wasn’t frozen.
More than that I had a fun day with my friend, which lets be honest, is what summers about. I’ve even watched it on more than one occasion, and each time I do I remember when the film finished in the cinema, Ella decided she was going to take home a balloon a child had accidentally left behind. This would be cute if we didn’t all remember Moana came out in 2016, when Ella was 20. What am I saying I’m being judgmental; I was 21 and was the one who told Ella to take it.
Book babble
Whilst most people assume summer to be a place of relaxing, laughing and trying to hide obvious sunburn from you mother who told you to put on factor 50, I once spent my summer writing my dissertation. I had to defer it because SOMEONE had a depressive episode in uni (Millennials eh?). So I spent 3 months sat at my mothers dining table desperately trying to write out whether or not I thought client specific skills or auditor independence were more important than the other when measuring audit quality. Now please don’t all stand up at once you’ll all get a chance to read it!
So my summer book is the famed “The audit society” by Michael Power, a book two years after finishing my degree, I still haven’t returned to the library. A grueling time, this is a reminder that even if the sun’s out, you still have to work. Whether it’s for your dissertation or whether its for your mental health, you can’t let yourselves lose control.
My final note is that I once quoted this book to a guy in bed because he tried to tell accountants don’t have a place in society. EDUCATE YOURSELF!
Video Corner
Now choosing a favourite video could be an excellent opportunity to plug that failed youtube vlog you did in year 8 when you thought a whole 9 views was gonna catapult you to internet fame. But why put you all through that painful experience when I can give you a nice nostalgic throwback instead.
One of the best bits about summer is when you suddenly remember how to socialise again. One second of sunlight and suddenly your phones going off with friends you thought all died on 1st November. Wack out the shorts, wack out the sunglasses, grab the lads and get to the club. Who doesn’t wanna dance like an inflatable tube man infront of 100 strangers you’ve never met, only to then drunkenly stumble to the smoking area with your mate to tell him how much you love him. And if you haven’t already guessed that was my long winded way in leading to this video of the crazy frog kid, who multiple people have said I dance like. Hey, I know a compliment when I see one
Tweet of The Week
YOU FOOL! YOU THOUGHT I’D GIVE UP AN OPPORTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF! PAINFUL EXPERIENCE MY ARSE. OF COURSE I’M GOING TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF ITS ABOUT ME!!! ME ME ME!!!!!!!!Here’s a tweet from my twitter of me living my best gay summer self
Becoming the rainbow phoenix I've always been pic.twitter.com/pt7JxN6CQE— James (@jamesmcgrath09) June 9, 2018
Netflix
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Summers a time to be stupid! It’s a time to have fun! It’s a time to be a straight up diva and recreate Beyonce’s Lemonade just because some guy you barely dated has a new gay friend. You know who I’m talking about cus they’re uuuuuunbreakable! She’s alive dammit! IT’S A MIRACLE! The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Why this show reminds me of summer I don’t know. Maybe it’s all the bright colours, maybe it’s the heartwarming jokes, maybe it’s just because everyone in this show is perfect and I love them. I personally think the shows quality dropped once they decided it was going to end it, but isn’t that what summer does? It ends and no ones happy, just like when Titus overreacted to that minor inconvenience. Probably.
Food
And finally we come to what comforts us when we get left on read for the third time in a week: food. When I think about food I think oh god its the thing I have to go every week to tesco to buy and however many times I buy it it still runs out. But summer food? Summer food reminds me of when I travel cus lets be honest, unless I’m in a foreign country on my summer holidays, I’m gonna eat a frozen pizza (2 for £4.50 at tesco check it out).I’ve been very lucky in my life to have traveled many places at such a young age. The standout for me was when I was 17 I traveled to japan for 3 weeks by myself. I say by myself, one of our old exchange students looked after and accommodated me the entire time, but doing anything by yourself when your 17 makes you feel like a KING!
I dined from the top notch 5 star seafood restaurants to just some knock off mcdonalds equivalent on the streets of tokyo. But the standout for me was everyone's old faithful: the spicy ramen. In this country ramen is what you eat when you can’t afford to pay your rent. But japan didn’t invent it for nothing! Just a big steaming bowl filled with noodles, chicken, bean sprouts, cabbage, string beans, ham and spices from god’s personal spice rack. One bowl of glorified super noodles has been so significant in my life that I’m writing a story about it 5 years later. And I don’t know about you, but isn’t one of the best bits about traveling to a different country trying out what different kinds of crisps they have? It’s practically the reason I book the flights.
---
Well despite finishing writing this 9 minutes before the deadline I did it. I spoke about summer and most importantly managed to speak about myself (who saw that coming). Summer is happy, fun, hard work, stupid, gay and sadly it always ends. But who cares about that when you have a bowl of ramen to comfort you through the winter.
Finally I’d like to give a huge shout out for Ella for not only passive aggressively messaging me to do this, but for being one of my current longest friends. She will forever be the person that climbed up the tree higher than me, and not one day in 13 years has she let me forget it. And if you are ever wondering how our long, deep, downright offensively stupid friendship began just ask Ella the meaning behind three simple words.
Alcoholic. Orange. Juice.
---
James is my OLDEST friend and I'm so glad that we're still thick as thieves. He's a funky young accountant with a wicked heart and a contagious laugh.
You can find more of James here!
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